he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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