Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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