i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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