My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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