he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
