We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
