I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
