I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
