think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The feeling are messing with the penis
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
