i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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