I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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