clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
