haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
