I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
