Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
