Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
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yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
whose parrot is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize