Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
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Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
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I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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