Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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