Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
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an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
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I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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