Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
