"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
