For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
