woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
