Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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