dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
