Well now I have my semen on her headphones
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
