i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
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Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
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And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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