I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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