I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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