I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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