We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
