You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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