The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
