if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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