Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
