You just made me feel so damn special
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
