She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
