I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize