Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
