it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
