haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
