i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
