I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
