yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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