I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i now understand why vodka
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
