You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
