You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
