I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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