the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
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my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
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Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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