I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
50% drunk capacity currently
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
