I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
