shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
