And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
