I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
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I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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