remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize