I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
