i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
