The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
