Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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