Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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